1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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