so that wasnt chicken after all
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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