Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
