Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
