party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
