I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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