dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
