he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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