I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
