two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
