Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
