I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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