I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
