That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
