WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
