You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
