I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
