my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
