does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
