I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
