I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
