I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
