did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
