I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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