I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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