my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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