He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
