ugly people sure do ruin things
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
