bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
