I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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