WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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