If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
