So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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