I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
