The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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