the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
