You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
