I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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