i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
