It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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