Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
