The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
