I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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