dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
