i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My life is pants optional.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
