it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
