I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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