I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mom said you looked used
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
