The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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