Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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