Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
